Rejection as Protection

So, I recently had a really nice dating experience. I went out on 4 dates in the span of about 6 weeks or so with this nice guy. And things seem to be going well. Then I was away for 2 weeks for a pre-planned trip to see my family and family. And upon my... Continue Reading →

Seeing Myself

I just came out of a 15 min meditation. Between restless thoughts, a couple of wisdom came through... ...I have been avoiding dealing with my life today because I feel like I won't have enough time to totally get to all of it. And also afraid of what else I "have to do" that I... Continue Reading →

Wisdom, compassion and kindness

I am in the middle of Step 4 in ACA. And wow... it's not been easy. Every now and then, the sadness that has been coming up feels too much to bear. I have been taking it really slow. Unlike other 12 Step programs, all the old timers lovingly advise me to take as long as I... Continue Reading →

Letting go…

…and into the world of the unknown. Again. It was an illusion that I knew. The truth of the matter is that I don’t know. What I mean is that, there were 3 guys that I thought would have possibilities. And I can’t see or believe beyond these 3 guys are possible. So my mind... Continue Reading →

Thinner

I find myself wanting to "get thinner." Actually that was not the actual thought. That was the conclusion after I see the string of the thoughts that proceed. I actually find myself thinking... since I am hoping to see Phil and Ari (separately, ha) that I need to lose as much weight as possible, or... Continue Reading →

Dad…arg…

My dad is douchy guy. He is not a down right ass who gambles and drinks. He is just a generally douchy guy. What I mean is ... when I am about put to any kind of food item in my mouth, ranging from orange to sushi to stew, he has the "need" to tell... Continue Reading →

Finally, Loving My Body

So, I have been loafing my body as far and for as long as I can remember. Alright, except a few years during my 20s. For some reason, I loved the way I looked no matter what for awhile. And guess what? It has magically returned!!! I have gained a few pounds. I am 5'... Continue Reading →

Processing

I find myself masterbating almost daily in the past week. I am observing this type of behavior. And seeing this makes me realize that I am actually going through a hard time. Break-up and death of a friend can be hard to take the same week, much less the same fucking day. A friend in... Continue Reading →

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