Becoming Me

I looked into the mirror as I stepped into the apartment. I see a really beautiful woman. The kind of woman that I always wanted to look like: my brows are done, got lovely makeup on, great hair 🙂 I am feeling so thankful for everything. I am beginning to feel better consistently with the...

Right on time, on HP time

Yesterday I wrote about how I am coming to the realization that I have a right to be needy in a healthy way, which translated to me as it is ok to make my birthday about me and want to feel special and important about it.  Today when I woke up, I find myself re-posting...

“Allowing Ourselves to be Needy”

I was a little perplexed when I read that title of the reading, since that is a title from The Language of Letting Go , Daily Meditation on Codependency.   When I read the passage, it affirmed and settled something that I have been struggling with for awhile.  This is what happened: back in Jan, it was...

Depression and Recovery

I am recently just realized how much I have been struggling with depression most of my life. How what it means to be living in survival mode through most of my life in my head, and how my childhood trauma has shaped me. Thank my HP for guiding my life and recovery. Sometimes I couldn't help...

Rejection as Protection

So, I recently had a really nice dating experience. I went out on 4 dates in the span of about 6 weeks or so with this nice guy. And things seem to be going well. Then I was away for 2 weeks for a pre-planned trip to see my family and family. And upon my...

Seeing Myself

I just came out of a 15 min meditation. Between restless thoughts, a couple of wisdom came through... ...I have been avoiding dealing with my life today because I feel like I won't have enough time to totally get to all of it. And also afraid of what else I "have to do" that I...

Wisdom, compassion and kindness

I am in the middle of Step 4 in ACA. And wow... it's not been easy. Every now and then, the sadness that has been coming up feels too much to bear. I have been taking it really slow. Unlike other 12 Step programs, all the old timers lovingly advise me to take as long as I...

Letting go…

…and into the world of the unknown. Again. It was an illusion that I knew. The truth of the matter is that I don’t know. What I mean is that, there were 3 guys that I thought would have possibilities. And I can’t see or believe beyond these 3 guys are possible. So my mind...

Thinner

I find myself wanting to "get thinner." Actually that was not the actual thought. That was the conclusion after I see the string of the thoughts that proceed. I actually find myself thinking... since I am hoping to see Phil and Ari (separately, ha) that I need to lose as much weight as possible, or...

Dad…arg…

My dad is douchy guy. He is not a down right ass who gambles and drinks. He is just a generally douchy guy. What I mean is ... when I am about put to any kind of food item in my mouth, ranging from orange to sushi to stew, he has the "need" to tell...